I’m a double-edged samurai sword in a pregnant tsunami,
a conundrum, an atheist, a monotheist.
I apply a three blade razor to a two-year stubble,
the mirror coated in more blood than an erupting aorta,
Touching the pain of passing, I eat daisy chains
constructed from barbed wire fencing and knitting needles,
when a reality check finds me eating dried apricots
to cure the cancer I caught from just being alive.
I bite back fear, obliterate mind numbing memories,
and place carefully on a rough round dining table, souls
that have been hung out to dry on a windless day,
the irony, cooling on a line where clothes haven’t been for months.
I suck Lollipops with bad teeth, bad vibes and a very bad breath.
The dustman empties my outtake weekly, the rest I keep,
and so the Sword of Damocles cuts deep,
my face bleeding with the pain of despondency.
The dark annals of my writing echo my living thoughts,
and those reading my dying thoughts will cringe.
They didn’t help me – families, the depth of my ache,
several children who don’t ring, siblings who squabble.
I pass my memory to the volumes of poetry I have written,
my knuckles bare from years of chagrined living.
Succinctly, I approach the sunset of life, the sword gone,
just painted visions of a life lost in a missing rear view mirror.
Copyright © 2010 Thane W. Zander
Thane Zander has lived all over New Zealand, either as an itinerant child (Father moving to jobs from deepest south to farthest north) or as a 27 year veteran in the Royal New Zealand Navy. He was struck down with Bipolar Disorder in 2000 and has since moved “back” to Palmerston North and environs. The onset of Bipolar Disorder also heralded his entry into the poetry world, and from 2000 to 2005 he had written around 250 poems. This accelerated from 2006 to well over 1000 poems, and counting.