I am stuck in a rut not knowing how to be free.
And no one has done anything personal to me.
In fact everyone else has their journey and I mine.
And I am stuck in this journey, stuck in time.
I understand about anxieties worries and suffering of fears.
I understand about false promises, misunderstandings, who out there cares.
What I don’t understand is how to come free
This overwhelming conditioning coming over me.
I am a prisoner and only I hold the key.
The decisions to freedom hanging over me.
There a thing’s I have no control over where I have no power.
And waiting every second can feel more like every hour.
There are things we can influence and things we just can’t
There are problems that are problems and problems that just arn’t
Most problems we invent welcome anxieties worries and fears.
And the control that fear holds, living in the darkness, living with fears.
And these fears are surrounding heavy foggy, a living dark consuming cloud.
These fears cripple the shadow of the innocent strong and proud.
And I’m struggling, because there is a decision I need to make
And I have not really decided which path I need to take
Until I decide then I can invite the new and let go of the old.
Moving upwards onwards while my life has been on hold.
I have made a choice my decision a glimpse of hope to peace.
Releasing from the struggle, feeling more at home at ease.
Feelings of relief clearer perspectives open and awake.
And Now when I look back at my rut I see a pattern to my mistake.
I see how my emotions lead me down into the gutter.
How I hate my job although it’s my bread and my butter.
No matter what I do or achieve I feel I come last.
Not living in the present always dwelling in the past.
Can you see a pattern of negative thinking.
Focused on what’s wrong, inner strength weakening.
Leading down a spiral path of pain and lots of sorrow .
Not looking forward to the future not looking forward to tomorrow.
And if there is a lesson to be learnt and a lesson to be taught.
There is always a glimpse of hope so focus on that thought.
No matter how much grief or sorrow a rainbow can be caught
Think of the positive’s my friends, because life is just too short.
Copyright © 2010 Michael Joseph Lauese
Michael Lauese was born in New Zealand and is of Samoan/Maori descent. Michael has been awarded several National and International Body-Building trophy’s for NZ, Pacific Island, and NZ Maori Titles. Michael lost his partner, house, career and son and in these times of despair, turned to poetry to aid his recovery.